NEGOTIATION
The quality of the questions you ask determines the quality of the answers you get
Questioning and listening are two of the most important skills in negotiation, communication, and building rapport. Yet how often do we stop to consider how well we use them?
Last month, I was in Sunderland working with 35 senior people. One of the stories I shared concerned a breakfast networking meeting I attended in October, where my local MP, Will Forster, joined us to answer questions.
My point was about questioning skills. Too often, people make a lengthy statement, explain their thinking, add some background and ramble towards what might eventually become a question.
The first questioner took 3 minutes and 27 seconds to ask their question. The next took 1 minute and 55 seconds.
How do I know? I was timing them!
Will was very patient. He demonstrated professional listening skills: maintaining eye contact, tilting his head slightly and looking interested while waiting for the question. Something we should all practise - although it can be quite a challenge when someone is rambling!
My advice to the group was simple: make your questions short, sharp, and specific. Write them down beforehand. This helps you clarify what you really want to know and cut out the unnecessary FLUFF.
Ask one question at a time. A string of questions gives the other person the opportunity to answer the easiest one and overlook the most important.
In negotiation, a good question can uncover priorities, reveal concerns and open possibilities. “What matters most to you?” can be more useful than another five minutes explaining your own position.
Then, once you have asked your question, stop talking and listen. Resist the temptation to fill the silence or suggest the answer.
Be curious. Give people time to think.
Better questions. Better listening. Better understanding. Better negotiations.
About Derek Arden, FCIB, FPSA, Hall of Fame Speaker
Derek Arden is a negotiation expert, speaker and author of ten books, including Win Win, Power Negotiating and Presenting Phenomenally. Derek helps people negotiate confidently, communicate persuasively and build stronger relationships through his training, conference speaking and masterclasses. www.derekarden.co.uk
